This week has been CRAZZZZYYYY!!! Totally boring but fun at the same time!lol I have been moping around the house because I have had no money to shop and I am finding all this stuff that I want to buy right now!!! On a high note school starts back this week and I can't WAIT!! I should have more outfits then because I actually have to get out of the house for more than just taking my brother to work or hitting a drive-thru...lol It's going to be so good to just get onto Peace's campus again... I mean it's like the air is totally different there, inside and out!! It's like breathing at this place!!lol
I was talking to my mom about situation that was happening in my life at the time and it seemed like she didn't want to be bothered... I know that she wasn't having a good day physically but of course that didn't make me stop feeling like I was dirt... Idk why that happens... So my mental processes were "When will I be able to get a man that is MINE? Not one that is like crummy and ghetto that I'm going to have to take care of. But one that is independent and self-sufficient in every way. And isn't trying to use me to get to a friend??"
I mean, take this for example... I was friends with a guy. I was interested. I think I hid it good. But not from my at the time BFF. I thought that maybe there would be a chance but before I let myself get too involved emotionally I said I wasn't going to say anything and I was gonig to wait and see if it was going to work out. It didn't. And then today I find out that he's dating my then best friend. And she didn't have the decency to tell me... I mean don't get me wrong... I AM PISSED!! But that isn't the point in this blog. Actually I'm already talking too much. But it's here now and I'm tired of holding it inside and if NO ONE reads this so here it is... But when something like this happens it makes me look at me... Like what is wrong wit ME?? I mean she has done this before (believe it or not she has... and I was too dumb to see it til now) Why does it always seem like the girls that are rude and mean get all the guys. I guess it's the same reason why all the GUYS that are rude and mean get the girls...smh
Then I was thinking about another guy that I have liked in the past. This guy was great. He was 9 yrs older than me ( I know that is a stretch but I'm just sayin...lol), and I totally blew it! By being immature and needy. I mean I look back now and I'm like "what was I thinking??? I mean REALLY??" But I did and I don't even think there is anyway to repair it... I'm sure this blog isn't going to help...smh But if he does happen to read this blog (and he knows who he is) I'm going to say this...
I'm sorry. That isn't a way that a woman conducts herself. I'm not sure that I have done a total turn around but if you are willing to give it a try then I am too... and not because of all that crap from up top but because I really do care for you. Always have and probably always will... I just can't get u off my mind.
*SIGH* Life is about lessons learned... And this one is another one...
But anywhoo.... I actually feel better!!lol Enough already... This week is going to be a good one and I'm off to bed!!